Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
