i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Alive.
So much puke
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
