His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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