Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
