if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
is that a dick in a sweater?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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