I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Panties = found
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
