He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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