i barfeds in our rink
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
