So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
