he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
