If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
