That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
