I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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