It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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