I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
