I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
