i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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