Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I need to stop coming to work sober
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Randomize
