He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
