we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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