when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
