What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
MIDGETS
????
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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