Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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