It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
