Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
