remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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