weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
