A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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