I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
