We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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