I think I am morally bankrupt
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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