Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
