I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
