so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
