Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
These tits shall not be calmed
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
