my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
