he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
