The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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