The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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