I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
