She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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