What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
...so i touched it.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
