Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
