K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
