you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
