it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
