i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This is the high leading the old right now
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
