sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I cut my penus on the lid.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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