Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
