One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
